Less Than Holy

Monday, 18 April 2011

Grey

The Following Friday we continued to talk about 'lukewarm Christians' and how we all felt about the statement "You won't find lukewarm Christians in heaven" being as most Christians today are lukewarm, doing just enough to get by.

Going around the circle we all agreed that it is a hard pill to swallow, but when Rob came to me, I had a question I just had to ask. "If there weren't the consequences of hell, how many lukewarm Christians would follow God?"

That had their minds spinning. Rob said he would go as far as applying that to all Christians. That is a sad thing to hear when you know it's true. I guess hell is necessary, for only the Holiest of people would be found in heaven... and it would be a very empty place.

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Shades

Last Friday, my youth pastor (Rob, cool guy) said that we shouldn't follow God because we would be sent to hell if we don't, he said you need to follow Him because you love Him. With that I realize that is not what I'm doing. 

I am actually very afraid that my wrongs can never be forgiven, that despite what I do God will send me to hell. Sometimes I think about death at night, and fear that no matter what I say, or how spiritual I am, I will still go to hell, for something I missed. 

I feel so scared when I think of it in the dark, my stomach hurts and I feel a chill in my soul. I sleep with a lamp on every night, I can't sleep in complete darkness because I cannot see; I lay paralyzed, fearing I am not alone. God is light, Satan is darkness. I feel closer to God in the light, the darkness is just... too much to bear.

When I was 11 or so, I was reading the bible, and I came across a passage. I can't remember where it is anymore, it has been so long... It talked about there being an unforgivable sin. It didn't say what, and that is what scarred me the most. I fear if I know, it may be inevitable that I do it, or that I have. Following Christ isn't easy-- at least, not for me.

Monday, 11 April 2011

I want to change the world...

But how might a 15 year old girl manage to do that? 

I don't even have what it takes to get into University. 

Why  has God made my life so much harder then it needs to be?

It is said He doesn't give us more than we can handle, 

but I don't even have the social skills to hold onto one friend! 

How is that considered fair? 

I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life. 

None of the skills I have are good enough to be of use. 

I don't want to be an all-smiles missionary, 

there are more than enough of those. 

I am sure couldn't make a difference as one, 

though one day I would like to travel. 

I might be able to make a difference on here, 

but who would want to listen to me? 

I am never noticed, 

always forgotten. 

I don't mean to sound whiny, 

and I know there are so many more less fortunate than I, 

but does that mean that I don't matter? 

God told me that he hasn't forgotten me, 

and now I truly understand how people can ask, 

"How can He still love me, after all I have done?".